Breast is Best (Question Mark??)

Even before I knew I was preggo I knew that I wanted to breast feed. It actually was never much of a consideration for me--I always knew that's what I would do. In fact, when I would speak about my fears of mothering my top scare was the chance that I would be unable to breastfeed or produce enough milk. Although neither of those fears came to life--it turns out I was right to have some anxiety associated with breast feeding as it is literally one of the toughest things about mommyhood.

I realize that hindsight is 20/20 but looking back...my entire pregnancy seems like a breeze. I was never sick, never bloated and for the most part comfortable. The birthing process was downright simple. I labored at home for a while, went to the hospital, got my drugs and had Zoey without any fanfare, drama or cursing. If I had to pick--the birth has been the easiest part of this entire process so far. Recovery was a little more tricky. It's hard to maneuver around, take care of an infant and entertain family and a revolving door of guests when you've just pushed a child out of your nether regions. The first week was quasi brutal...but I feel like I've recovered nicely and maybe quicker than most...something I'm giving myself all of the credit for, thank you very much. Parenthood has come pretty natural for me (which I knew it would). I love Zoey with all of my heart, don't mind waking up to tend to her, relish in holding her and can't stop staring at my little miracle. But friends--I hate to be the one to break it to you but it's the breastfeeding that is the bitch of it all. To date, it is the hardest thing I've done in life...and the crazy part is that there is no real end in sight.

Breastfeeding is wonderful in theory. It's free, always available, the most nutritious for the baby and the best part is that the pregnancy pounds seem to just fall off when you are nursing. I've already lost 25 of the 35 (yikes!) pounds that I gained and with little to no effort from me. I'm not dieting...and in fact some days it seems like I can't get enough food into my belly. But breastfeeding is downright hard, ya'll. The first week is brutal. You blister, bleed and when the baby latches on it feels like needles going through your nipples. Don't believe me? Ask another nursing momma. They say that people give up in the first two weeks and I am here to tell you I understand why. I was told the name of the game is perseverance so that is what I did...and although it paid off--this is still no easy task. When you and you alone are responsible for the feeding schedule of a little one it's a ton of pressure on your shoulders. You are at their beck and call at all hours of the day...waiting for them to be hungry again. For a while I definitely felt like a prisoner and wondered if I would ever break free. And the single most annoying thing about breastfeeding is that your boobs literally are like a leaky faucet. I am constantly looking down to see wet circles...and another outfit change. Between Zoey and myself...my washing machine is on 24/7.

While I'm complaining I also know that it will get better with time. She is only 4 weeks old and things will even out between the two of us. We'll learn more of each other's cues, my body will adjust to her needs and I'm sure eventually it will be something that I don't even think about. But for now...I'm still figuring it all out. As they say...breast IS best--but it sure is hard.