BIG Changes

The biggest change in my life and the true reason for the facelift of my blog is that....drum roll please....

I'm PREGNANT!!!
Ya-freaking-hoo!!! Seriously...this is the best thing that has ever happened to me. My sweet hubby and I have been married for 4 1/2 years, trying to have a baby for 1 year...and frustrated about it for around 6 months. I was starting to think that it was never going to happen for us.

We tried every trick in the book (this is where my honesty might make some people squeamish...you better get over that now!)--we tried 'not caring' and 'seeing what will happen', tracking my unreliable period (50 days long, thank you very much), ovulation sticks, fertility specialists, meds to help start my period, ultrasounds of my uterus and ovaries, many viles of blood drawn and a lot of tears shed by me. It was a long road...but I can now say that it was worth every horrible moment. At one point I was afraid I would be arrested for stalking my OB/GYN, but I didn't care...I just wanted a baby in my belly! Thankfully I didn't do any jail time--and now looking back it doesn't seem like it was all that bad. I guess this is what motherhood does to you...makes you forget all of the crap you have to go through so you are willing to do it all over again.

Here is how it happened...and I'll try to keep the TMI to a low:

As I said, we had all but given up. I was tired of disappointment, tired of nagging Matt to just do it 'one more time' that week, tired of seeing girls all around me getting pregnant and tired of being jealous of any woman of a reasonable age with any blip of a baby bump. I was so fed up that I literally stopped the fertility guessing game. I put away the ovulation sticks, put away my calendar and decided to take a break for a minute. We had just lost our beloved white german shepherd named Oliver that October and things were coming into perspective in a new way. I was dealing with a lot of grief and I just didn't have time to worry about more things that we didn't have.

But low and behold...it happened. On a pretty day in November we went to spread some of Oliver's ashes at one of his favorite watering holes. We both cried and had a mini ceremony with just the two of us...sharing funny and poignant stories of our dearly missed pup and wishing he was there with us. Without going into too much detail...it was that day that we got pregnant. I had actually taken a pregnancy test the prior day (negative, of course) and was awaiting my period. My cycle ended up being 64 days that time around...most likely because of all of the grieving I was doing. I definitely didn't think that getting pregnant that day was even an option. It wasn't in my realm of thinking. My best explanation is that Oliver was looking down on us and gave us this miracle. You might think I'm crazy...but this dog was the best dog in the whole entire world...and I feel him looking out for me on a daily basis. I know that the 'circle of life' was at play here and it took losing Oli to gain this baby. I thank him every day for it.

So one day I was with a friend on the way to a baby shower (of all things) and feeling slightly sorry for myself. I had briefly mentioned that my boobs had hurt that day in the shower and she said, "are you SURE you aren't pregnant?". I contemplated it for a second and instantly said.."naw, no way...definitely not." I was so used to being NOT pregnant that imagining that I was seemed incomprehensible. But in my head I was thinking...huh--could I be that lucky?

The next day I took a chance and took my last pregnancy test I had...I figured I had nothing to lose. That sucker turned to a blue plus sign so fast I thought I was imagining things.

Matt was on his way to his last fishing trip of the season so for a few minutes I paced the house, cried and thanked God for finally listening. Then I called Matt and tearfully told him the best news in the world. He wanted to turn around but I convinced him to catch as many fish as he could instead. Matt didn't get any fish that day but that's alright...because I already had the greatest catch of all.

As of this Saturday...I'm 14 weeks and in the coveted second trimester. I'm due July 23rd and already a total worry freak. Stay tuned...!!