In the midst of the many pity parties I have been throwing for myself lately, I am surprised that I have failed to recognize one super crazy coincidence that juuuuuuuust might help me make it through my first day back at work.
The year 2010 brought a lot of sadness for our tiny family and a lot of happiness. For sure--the worst day of that year was October 4th when Oliver died. I know I've told you the story a billion times but it is a day that I will forever play out in my heart. I was lucky to be able to spend the entire day with him--let alone the last 6 years of his life. I still miss him--and will continue to each and every day. But the BEST day of that year was November 21st. That is the day that I peed on my very last pregnancy test and couldn't believe my own eyes when I saw that plus sign. As with October 4th...that is a day that I could never forget. I can almost see it played out like a movie--I'm running around my bedroom because I'm alone and I don't know what to do first. I am not a praying type of person but my first instinct was to drop down to my knees and thank God. And I did. Then I called Matt. November 21st changed our world forever.
2011 has been much different. It has had much more joy than the previous year. Without a doubt, the happiest day of this year (and my life to date) was July 25th when Zoey was born. It was a crazy, calm, magical day. I still cry when I think about the moment I first saw her. She was perfect...and still is. I will also never forget Matt's face when he realized it was a girl. It was amazing watching my husband fall in love instantly. Now the worst day of this year is upon me and I don't know yet how I'm going to handle it. My worst day last year consisted of me sobbing uncontrollably--a cry that I had never cried before. I don't think I'll be at that level this year but I anticipate quite a few tears from here until Monday. I just hope my car gets me to work safely as I'm certain I will be driving through a waterfall of sorrow. I know that she'll be alright--that is not the problem. I just don't know if I will be okay.
Ironically--it didn't dawn on me that my worst day this year was my best day last year--November 21st. It is totally crazy what a year can do to a person. I'm going to try my best and remember to keep it all in perspective. Although I might be sad--I can't hate on 11.21 all together. That is a date that I would like to keep a happy one. As with Oliver, I am lucky to have been home with Zoey for this long. I count those blessings every day. And so--instead of dwelling on what I'm NOT doing that day--I will focus on my drive home, when I get to open the door and see this shining face. And what, I ask, could be better than that?
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