We always knew that we wanted more than one child. It was never really even a question. We wanted two SO badly that we fought hard for it, as you know. But once I was pregnant I was filled with guilt about invading Zoey's perfect world. I was nervous that not only would I be unable to love this second baby as much as my first...but that it would take away precious time from Zoey. So basically...I feared that I would fail both kids from the get-go. This wasn't just passing hormonal craziness...but something that I truly was concerned about. Everyone reassured me that of course I would love #2 as much...and I nodded in agreement. Certainly!!! But deep down I wasn't convinced. Sometimes its hard to believe in the things you cannot see.
And then Reese arrived on a sweet Friday morning. I finally understood. I don't know if I'll ever be able to actually explain it...but I can feel it now. I can see it. I believe. I know that Reese takes up new spaces in my heart that didn't exist before her. Matt, Zoey and Reese are in every single nook and cranny.
I don't feel guilty anymore about the amount of love that I have for both girls because it's completely equal. Different, maybe...but equal.
However.
I recently have been feeling bad for Zoey that she will never experience having an older sibling. Reese is so enamored with her and in return, Zoey entertains her endlessly. She plays with her, reads to her and makes her laugh. Our house is filled with little girly sounds and things and thoughts. When Zoey was a baby she had parents that loved her. Reese has a whole happy family.
When I was pregnant with Reese I felt guilty for adding another kid to our house...now I'm feeling guilty that we didn't add years ago! I read somewhere that the first born gets 3,000 more quality hours spent with them compared to their siblings. While this is an astounding amout of time, I feel like Reese gets a different (maybe better) type of quality time. She gets hours upon hours with her sister who adores her. She rarely gets me one-on-one...but isn't two (or 3) on-one better!? Zoey, Matt and I are permanent members of her fan club...a gang of positive reinforcement, encouragement and applause. What a lucky gal! I was so busy feeling "bad" about expanding our family that I couldn't comprehend the complete joy in it all. If bills, college tuition, wedding budgets and overall life costs weren't a concern...we definitely wouldn't be stopping at 2. But such as it is...we will only have an oldest and a youngest. No more. Both of them growing up in different environments that birth order created. Thankfully, Zoey doesn't seem to know what she missed out on and Reese has no concept of our family without her big sister. They don't care if they are first, second, fourth or eleventh. All that matters is that they are a part of our family...no matter when they came into it.
When I was pregnant with Reese I felt guilty for adding another kid to our house...now I'm feeling guilty that we didn't add years ago! I read somewhere that the first born gets 3,000 more quality hours spent with them compared to their siblings. While this is an astounding amout of time, I feel like Reese gets a different (maybe better) type of quality time. She gets hours upon hours with her sister who adores her. She rarely gets me one-on-one...but isn't two (or 3) on-one better!? Zoey, Matt and I are permanent members of her fan club...a gang of positive reinforcement, encouragement and applause. What a lucky gal! I was so busy feeling "bad" about expanding our family that I couldn't comprehend the complete joy in it all. If bills, college tuition, wedding budgets and overall life costs weren't a concern...we definitely wouldn't be stopping at 2. But such as it is...we will only have an oldest and a youngest. No more. Both of them growing up in different environments that birth order created. Thankfully, Zoey doesn't seem to know what she missed out on and Reese has no concept of our family without her big sister. They don't care if they are first, second, fourth or eleventh. All that matters is that they are a part of our family...no matter when they came into it.
I caught Zoey whispering, "I love you, you're amazing" to Reese...and of course I had tears!
Big sister reading to little sister.
Zoey's comment brings tears to my eyes too! She is such a loving child. And Reese is the perfect little sister!
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